Matthew

33 year old Male

 

I am a 33 year old school teacher. My story is frustratingly complicated.

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, social phobia and uni-polar disorder.  I have been on a host of drugs, none of which seem to make any difference to my general well-being. I have seen a few psychologists, some of whom have made me feel worse.

Some of the diagnoses from GPs and psychiatrists have contradicted one another.  My psychiatrist says with absolute certainty that I do not have depression.  My GP thinks I do.  My GP put me on Prozac, but my latest psychologist is very anti-drugs. I tend to take the position that if drugs can be avoided, then they should be. My wife, who is also a school teacher believes that I show signs of autism, which may be true, given that I have heightened senses and I am very sensitive to smell, touch, and especially noise.

 

I am not totally bothered by ALL noise. Some noises are wonderful, others have the ability to reduce me to a nervous wreck. I love the sound of thoughtful conversation, children playing, magpies warbling, wind blowing and rain pattering. On the other hand, there are noises that are just plain irritating, penetrating and horribly offensive: loud car engines, stereos and barking dogs have driven me to the point of near-insanity. I have developed noise-related insomnia for which I cannot sleep without medication. The noise sources, which are increasingly common in today’s world, have had a profound effect on me personally, and the people close to me, who have seen me suffer and have had to put up with my pain.

 

I cannot leave my house without hearing dozens of hoons across the city, drifting through streetlights, the aggressive sound of their engines tearing right through me. I cannot enjoy my own home without listening to barking dogs from all directions at random times throughout the day and night.

 

My rest times are determined not by me, but by the neighbours' dogs. The owners of these dogs seem utterly oblivious. I have had to move out of our main bedroom into the spare room where I am a bit further away from the main noise source. I have to wear uncomfortable ear plugs all night, and even they only work to a certain extent. I should not have to do this in my own home.

 

I cannot know that I will be able to relax or go to sleep without the cold, indifferent, noisy, chaotic world around me breaking into my personal headspace. I have been tormented by noise sensitivity to the point of cruelty, and I feel there is no resolve. Nobody understands, not even GPs, psychologists and especially my family. I do extra work at home that requires me to think, which is very difficult when you have a bored, yapping animal going off its nut two doors down.

 

Most of all, I am extremely analytical about the whole thing. With the noise I see ignorant noise makers who couldn’t give a damn about other people’s well-being. With noisy drivers I see the kinds of people who cause accidents by treating their cars like toys. When I hear the deep thumping bass of my neighbour’s stereo I see a self-absorbed individual with no consideration for his or her neighbours.

 

It’s the big picture. It affects me physically, mentally, philosophically and existentially. Noise, and the inability to find real, calm peace has torn away at my soul. I should be happy right now. Soon I will be a parent, and I need to be strong, but the world, and all of its pointless noise, threatens to break me down. People make me feel guilty for not being able to get past this and look after my family, even though I do my best to function and make sure everyone else is okay.

 

Nobody has any real solutions. They tell me to put up with it, accept it. Sorry, that does not help. They say it doesn’t bother "other" people as much. Obviously, which is why I am asking for help! They tell me to take the matter to local council or police. I have, and I have found the lengthy and non-eventual processes involved in dealing with neighbourhood noise pollution even more frustrating than the noise itself. What I have is a slow-burning torture that I fear I will never be able to escape from. I want to be happy and am desperate for a solution.

 

On top of all of this is the chronic pain I suffer from, worsened by the fact that I cannot get any peaceful rest and recovery. If there is anyone out there who has similar problems, I am desperate for help. I feel an excessive build up of pressure in my head that is almost physical, like my brain is inflamed. I need to find peace of mind. The torment that I am going through, nobody should have to experience. Thankyou for hearing my story.

 

07 May, 2011